Lazy? Not a creative type? Hate costumes and cosplay? No worries, I’ve done the research and high-level analysis for you. I’ve assembled a list of recognizable Magic images that you can replicate in the flesh for Halloween, using little or no time and money. Trust me; it’s easier than you think to bring some Magic flavor to your spooky holiday this year!
Swipe some of granny’s Thanksgiving and Christmas decor, and you have the makings of a passable Kamigawa getup. All you need is a fruit basket and a red tablecloth. Invert the basket and place it on top of your head. Wrap the tablecloth around your neck, and let it drape over your shoulders. Now you’re all set to start giving opal stink-eye to everyone who knocks on your door expecting candy.
Fairy wings are super-easy and cheap to come by, especially as stores slash prices last-minute. Stop by Home Depot for some natural-fiber or colorful yacht rope, whichever is your personal preference, and you’re almost there. Put on the fairy wings. Wrap the rope around your neck, waist, wrists, and wherever else strikes your fancy. Arm yourself with your best unsurprised fae face that says, “Oh my, it’s a trap!” and you’re ready to rock that twenty-one-and-up party with a Magical fifty shades of pink.
Everyone’s favorite anatomically challenged zombie has an iconic look that can be recreated for pennies. If you can skip a few showers and slouch, you’ve got this. I recommend not bathing for at least seven days prior to your Halloween event to achieve a nice zombie stank. Feeling ambitious? Rub some Crisco into your hair to make that greasy look. Now, take off your shirt. Finally, duct tape two partially-filled water balloons—blue or white will work best—to the center of your chest.
Pro Tip: DO NOT overfill the balloons—you want your chesticles to have a nice, natural-looking teardrop shape to the sacs—no fake, spherical chestes, please!
7. Vassal Soul
Here’s a great unisex costume for fans of Ravnica. It’s always in fashion in the multiverse to look like a giant . . . well, you know. All you need is a white body pillow. Cut one end of the pillow open, and remove stuffing until the pillow has a nice, flaccid feel—about two-thirds full. Now, pull the open end of the pillow over your head and shoulders.* Bend the top of the pillow down so it folds limply to the front. Lurk shadily at the edges of the party, and voila!
* This costume not recommended for the claustrophobic or those who need a lot of air.
This is a great costume to do with a coworker at the office party. First, grab a fellow cubicle-monkey, and then find your boss. Now, let him or her know you want to negotiate a raise—goblin-style. Make sure you get a good bend at the waist, and pop that hip out. A strong line and follow-through in your wrist/finger is crucial. You have to fully commit to make this one work.
Are you a brown-haired white male in your twenties or thirties? Lucky you! This is one of the easiest, most high-impact costumes on the list. First, you’ll need two whitish-bluish balls—extra points if they glow. Don’t shave (your face) for a couple days so you have some raggedy stubble. When you make your entrance at the Halloween function, cup the balls in your hands and juggle them—in fact, wave them around like you’re raving—hard. Now look perplexed. Done!
If you’re a female Magic player, you can avoid the antifeminist sexy costume trap by simply not wearing anything at all. This costume works best at a house party—preferably your own—but you can do it at someone else’s, too. All you need is a shower stall and a lack of discretion. Turn on the water, open the bathroom door, yell, “Party in the shower!” and you have Asmira’s blessing all the Guay, baby.
3. A Soul Collector Dude
Cut small eyeholes in an unwashed black sock, and pull it over your head. Take off your pants. Slump despondently as you follow a hot girl around the entire night.
Pro Tip: This is a great group costume for your crew!
2. Witches' Eye
Is there anything easier or cheaper than plucking out your own eyeball? Pass it around, and you have a totally accurate cosplay of one of the coolest new card arts in Theros. Plus, all you need to do is sew that eye socket shut, and you’re getting an early start on next year’s Sensory Deprivation costume.
- Stare creepily at whoever’s in the room with you.
- Turn off the lights.
Till next time, may Magic be your impractical solution to imaginary problems.