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Bill the Murder Pony in Commander

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You know the story of The Lord of the Rings. If you haven't read the books, you've probably seen the movies. Wizards of the Coast has done a great job translating the world of J.R.R. Tolkien into a Magic expansion set, and nearly every character you might think of has been represented as a legendary creature on a Magic card. They've covered many of the most central characters multiple times, representing different moments in their individual stories. Some peripheral characters that might have easily been passed over were included, and today's subject is one of the more interesting ones.

As the story goes, Bill the Pony was owned by Bill Ferny of Bree. When Frodo and his fellow travelers lost all of their mounts due to shenanigans at the Prancing Pony, they bought an undersized, neglected pack horse from Bill Ferny. Bill the Pony carried the Fellowship's rations through Weathertop, Rivendell and all the way up to the gates of Moria.

Bill the Pony

Sam Gamgee took a starved and mistreated creature and over the course of their travels nursed BIll back to health. The Mines of Moria is no place for a Pony, so they released him into the wild in the hope that he would find his way back to Bree. Sam was reunited with Bill the Pony when they made their way back home to the Shire. He even joined them when they took Frodo to the Grey Havens to sail into the west.

I wouldn't even try to convince you that Bill was a major character in The Lord of the Rings, but what if there was more to Bill's journey back to Bree than Tolkien let on?

What if Bill the Pony went on his own little adventure?

Our Hero's Journey

Very little is known about what happened with Bill, but I'd like to think that Gandalf might have had the presence of mind to give him a magical boon of some sort. Maybe he whispered something in elvish, furrowed his big, bushy eyebrows, and from that point onwards, Bill the Pony had the ability to gain the powers of anything magical that he was carrying.

Just by having a magical trinket tucked into one of the packs that was strapped onto his back, he would be endowed with its powers. Strap a sword or an axe onto his sturdy hindquarters and he could be as ferocious as a warrior armed with the same weapons. Why? Because magic, that's why. As a whimsical aside, I could also imagine Gandalf imbuing him with an extra bit of oomph when he had just eaten, because Bill the Pony did very much enjoy eating.

Would my imagined gifts from Gandalf be enough to explain how Bill found his way across the wilds of Eriador and back to his former owner in Bree? I guess it depends upon how many friends with magical trinkets he managed to pick up along the way home and how many Trolls and other nasty creatures crossed his path.

Staying Well Fed

Bill the Pony (the card, not the character in the story) makes two Food tokens when he enters the battlefield. As I mentioned before, our hero likes to get into the rations. I can sacrifice a Food, which I assume is the equivalent of feeding Bill, and until end of turn target creature I control assigns combat damage equal to its toughness rather than its power.

My aim is to make Bill the unlikely hero of this story, so I need to make sure I've got a steady stream of Food tokens.

Rosie Cotton of South Lane
Eastfarthing Farmer
The Battle of Bywater

I've got a few halflings to keep Bill company on his journey. Rosie Cotton of South Lane creates a Food token when she enters the battlefield and will put a +1/+1 counter on target creature whenever I create a token. Rosie eventually marries Sam Gamgee, so it's fitting that she would befriend our brave Pony. Eastfarthing Farmer also has me create a Food token when he shows up, and when I do I can give target creature I control +1/+1 until end of turn for each Food I control.

Getting lots of Food tokens might seem like a challenge, but The Battle of Bywater can go a long way towards making that happen. This three-mana sorcery will destroy all creatures with power 3 or greater and then create a Food token for each creature I control.

Lembas
The Underworld Cookbook
Witch's Oven

If you like food, apparently you should give Lembas a try. If J.R.R. Tolkien is to be believed, this elven bread is fantastic. In our game when it enters the battlefield I'll scry 1 and then draw a card. It can be tapped and sacrificed for 2 mana to gain 3 life and when it's put into a graveyard from the battlefield it gets shuffled into my library. Yum!

I reached outside of LoTR to complete my Food token needs. The Underworld Cookbook can tap and have me discard a card to create a Food Token. I can also pay 4 and sacrifice it to return target creature card from my graveyard to my hand. Witch's Oven can tap to sacrifice a creature and create a Food Token. If the sacrificed creature's toughness is 4 or greater I'll create 2 Food tokens. This deck might just have a Bartered Cow that will fit quite nicely into this Oven. That Cow, which actually has the creature type of Ox, will make a Food when it dies or is discarded.

Field-Tested Frying Pan
Second Breakfast
Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit

Before I get to our weapons, it's worth noting that Field-Tested Frying Pan not only makes a Food Token, but can also pump the equipped creature +X/+X where X is the life I've gained this turn. I may want to save my Food for Bill, but this could come in handy if I need an extra 3 life and a +3/+3 buff to one of my creatures.

I'm planning to have a Second Breakfast, which both pumps my creatures +2/+1 and makes a Food token. Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit should fit in beautifully, giving me a Food on the first two turns and then a small band of 1/1 white Halfling creature tokens when it reaches its third chapter. I expect my Food tokens could pile up, so I might end up with a band of Hobbits to feed.

While not actually food, I'm also running Hot Soup, which is an equipment that makes the equipped creature unblockable. The problem is that the soup is REALLY hot. If the creature takes damage the creature will be destroyed. It's on theme, assuming you could imagine a Pony either eating or serving soup, but it also lets Bill the Pony get through blockers, which is really important.

Packing For a Fight

The next question is what Bill will end up carrying on his journey. He has 1 power so he isn't going to be doing much damage in combat, but his 4 toughness should help him stay alive. My game plan is to make sure I've got Food tokens to sacrifice before damage so that if I do get through and do damage to one of my tablemates, he'll be hitting for damage equal to his toughness.

Focusing on equipment and auras that boost Bill's toughness seems like a nice place to start.

Robe of Stars
Ensouled Scimitar
Slagwurm Armor

Robe of Stars gives +0/+3 and will allow me to phase the equipped creature out for two mana. Ensouled Scimitar gives +1/+5 and can be turned into an artifact creature with flying for three mana. Slagwurm Armor will give +0/+6 and is a great reminder that boosting a creature's toughness can often be done for much less mana than boosting its power.

Equipment is great, but it's worth looking at auras too. Hero's Resolve gives enchanted creature +1/+5. Improvised Armor has cycling for 3 mana and gives +2/+5. Stoneskin might be the biggest surprise in this list. It's an aura with Flash so I can cast it at instant speed and it gives a whopping +0/+10.

I do love combat tricks so I also looked for Instants I could run in this list.

Aegis of the Heavens
Give No Ground
Solidarity

Aegis of the Heavens gives +1/+7 for two mana. Give No Ground costs three and a white and gives +2/+6 and grants the ability to block any number of creatures this turn. Solidarity also costs four mana and gives creatures I control +0/+5. I could swing Bill the Pony, have an unsuspecting tablemate choose not to block, sacrifice a food (so he does damage equal to his toughness) and then cast these three instants to give him (4+7+6+5) 22 toughness and kill them with commander damage!

Bill the Murder Pony

This list is not a strict Tolkien-themed deck. I decided to run a number of cards from outside of Lord of the Rings because most players won't want to follow an arbitrary restriction and it will be a better deck as a result. Ardenn, Intrepid Archaeologist, Esper Sentinel, Sram, Senior Edificer, Knight of the White Orchid and Stoneforge Mystic are fantastic cards for a deck like this.

We can always pretend that Bill somehow got blipped through the multiverse a few times during his journey back to Bree. Maybe Tom Bombadil had a little fun or Radagast the Brown got involved somehow. Bombadil's house is actually west of Bree, but we're making stuff up so why not blame one of those magical characters for Bill's side trip to Dominaria?

I think it would take a few games to get a good feel for right balance in this deck. Does it need Swiftfoot Boots and Whispersilk Cloak? Should I throw in a Colossus Hammer just to see if Bill can carry that extra weight? Would the deck be better with various Swords of This and That, or should I stick to my toughness matters gameplan? All of those questions might be answered with a resounding "yes," but as with most of the decks I share here, this is a starting point for your own journey with Bill, not a polished, perfect list.

This might not be the kind of deck where you can reasonably talk about "tuning it up." It's a whimsical concept, and while you might well be able to execute it better, you'll still have a fairly low ceiling. There might be some flicker nonsense you could get up to with an Academy Manufactor on the field, but I'm skeptical that there's a real cEDH build that I'm somehow not seeing for our lovable little pony.

I'm also not sure about "tuning it down" as it's already not exactly going to be the kind of deck that will strike fear in the hearts of your tablemates. That's OK - you want to fly under the radar a bit and catch someone thinking Bill isn't much of a threat. You'll probably save up your Food tokens for when you need them rather than using them every turn swinging for chip damage.

I think if you were to build Bill the Pony as a voltron deck, you should take what you like from this list but also build with cards you have and like to play when you're aiming to kill people with commander damage. Just remember that Bill isn't exactly poised to be the next great Voltron commander. You'll be fighting an uphill battle and might have trouble keeping up at high powered tables or even some mid powered tables.

Final Thoughts

It struck me as I was preparing to write this column that restricting my LoTR decks to only cards from the Tolkien universe might be a bit too restrictive. This is a great, varied set with lots of interesting cards, but not everyone is as attached to those books as I am. Lots of you never even read them and just know the story from the Peter Jackson films.

I expect I will be building my paper LoTR decks with no Magic lore legendary creatures or legendary references, but I'm still waiting for my four precon decks to arrive in the mail. I am definitely gearing up to build an Ents/Treefolk deck, an Elves deck and a Humans deck, along with at least one deck focused on Orcs. I think it'll be fun and I can't wait to get started.

This column was almost done in the form of an epic poem, but in the end I didn't trust that it wouldn't devolve into rhymed couplets that sounded more like Dr. Seuss than Chaucer. I love Tolkien and I love that idea, but it would have taken more time than I had available to pull it off with even a modicum of skill.

That's all I've got for today. Thanks for reading and good luck on your own adventures (and games) with this amazing Magic set!

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