The majority of Magic players are not Pro Tour champions. They don’t grind out PTQs or draft every set until they know the print runs. Most Magic players sling some cards on the living-room floor and sign into Magic Online whenever they can find a few minutes to play a game or two. Between work, family, and every other responsibility normal players have, those moments can be few and far between. Once you factor in the rising cost of the game, even to build fun, casual decks, you wind up with some pretty frustrated Magic players.

Personally, I have bought and sold my collection (both paper and online) several times attempting to give up the game and all of the hassle that can come with it. I’ve been badgered by my wife for spending too much time playing. I’ve felt guilty about shunning responsibilities in order to play. Honestly, I have spent way too much money on little pieces of cardboard with cool pictures! I’ve had ups and downs with the game, ending with frustration or excitement. It’s been a ten-year rollercoaster ride, and yet here I am, throwing out Titans and ’walkers, and stealing Commanders with Empress Galina, and you know what? I’m having more fun than ever because I have balance.

The first (and most important) step to finding balance with Magic in your life is to honestly evaluate what you get out of the game, what you want out of the game, and what you will, or can, sacrifice to get it. For me, this was a rough process. Because I am a dreamer, I entertain visions of the future in which I am holding a Pro Tour trophy or testing the latest set with Patrick Chapin or LSV. For me, this is never going to happen. I don’t have the time, resources, or determination to put that much work into getting there, and that’s what it takes—work, a lot of it.

My situation is such that the only people I can play with in real life regularly are my ten-year-old son and occasionally my brother or cousin, both of whom live a few hours away. The closest card shop that holds events is a two-hour drive, and the group I played with in years past have all given up the game. Previously, I had dumped all of my paper cards and translated that cash into a very respectable online collection. Doing this meant I had almost nothing fun to play when I could get a few players together. I could play anything I wanted online, and that was enough for a while.

I had a good four-year run online. I drafted a lot, played some tournaments, and played a ton of games. I loved playing everything from Pauper to Legacy. It wasn’t working for me. I did not have the time to test enough to do consistently well, and lost money in the long run. I could do well in one format, but I love the diversity, so whatever I won I would lose playing in others. When I stepped back and looked at what was really happening, I was disgusted. I had put thousands of dollars into my online endeavors at this point, with nothing real to show for it. I couldn’t logically explain this to my wife. How can I tell her we don’t have a second car because I spent all of my extra income on digital representations of cardboard? Try winning that argument.

I evaluated what role Magic was playing in my life. It was a hobby, an escape, and a fun mental exercise. I knew I would never put in the work to really get to the top, so I took some action. I sold my online collection, took the money and put it toward making things better for the family. But I still wanted to play.

Ever since Wizards started making Duel Decks, I have bought every one for my son. We play them a lot and enjoy the balanced gameplay (for most of them anyway). Since we knew we had fun with these, we just kept the tradition going. We added things like the Commander decks (tuned for two players) and occasionally do Pack Wars or other two-player Draft variants. This keeps the cost to a minimum. It’s like going to the movies every few months or something reasonable like that. We get to play new cards and decks a lot, and when we can get four people together, we have enough decks for everyone to play. When we open expensive cards, we play them for a while, then sell them off to fund our pastime. I also made proxy cards for most of the good Legacy decks. I spent a lot of time on them, and they are almost unrecognizable as proxies. These things added up to cut out the cost and eliminated all the time spent playing online. When I played, I was simultaneously spending time with my son; everybody wins. It changed the dynamic of my card-playing life by making it about spending time with my son and having fun, with the bonus that I still get to play Magic and play competitive decks.

If you are at a point in your life where you question your devotion to a children’s card game, there are things you can do to alleviate the inner turmoil. First, honestly evaluate your life and how it relates to your hobby. Do you spend so much money on cards that you can’t pay the rent? Do you ignore your family because you are drafting in an 8-4 queue? Do your friends and family think you are some kind of addict? Do you have vision problems from staring at a computer eighteen hours a day? Look at these questions objectively and figure out what you are sacrificing for this game and if it is worth it to you.

Once you see what parts of your life Magic is affecting, make a plan. If you want to be spending more time with your family, teach them to play. After a while, they will get really good and it will create a bond like few other things can. If you need to save money, proxy cards or start a rotating collection. (This is where you only have a few decks at a time and trade them out for new decks.) There a million articles out there that can teach you how to value trade if you want to put in the time and energy. If your significant other complains about your playing, explain to her or him why it is important to you and tell her or him what you plan to do to reach a compromise. Communication is the most important tool for every relationship and will work miracles. Usually, you can negotiate a set amount of time for you to play and for your significant other to do something she or he wants.

Each person has a unique situation and will need to find his or her own solution to the problems he or she faces. Magic players are by nature smart, creative people. They just don’t always use those qualities in their personal lives. To find real balance in your life with Magic, you will have to use those abilities the best you can. Before I took stock of my priorities and changed the role of Magic in my life, I was a good player, but a suboptimal father, lover, etc. Implementing the changes I chose was hard, but ultimately turned out great. I am happier in general because there are no arguments about my hobby or cash flow. My son and I have a secret bond that other people just don’t get. I still play regularly and have more fun than ever. I have balance for the first time in my life.

This may read like a page out of my diary, but I feel there isn’t enough focus on how Magic affects people’s lives. There are drug counselors who use Magic as a placebo for using. If Magic can replace an addiction, you know it’s powerful. This beloved game of ours has the power to change lives, sometimes in ways that aren’t for the best. Look at your life and see how Magic has affected it. I bet you have close friends you met through the game, have traveled to amazing places and made special memories. My first game was with my wife. We were at a department store much like Wal-Mart and saw a core set two-player intro pack for sale in the checkout lane. I bought it, and we went home and played it for months. I fell in love with the game. Unfortunately, she didn’t.

Magic can be an escape from your problems for a while, a bonding experience, a place where everything makes sense, and many other things—but if you let it become your top priority in life, it can have disastrous results.

Look deep inside yourself and decide what you want this game to be for you. Just be honest with yourself and stay realistic with your expectations. Always know what you are gaining, and what you are losing and make sure you keep the balance.

For love of the game,

Josh Begerow