Magic is a fun game to play with a group.  Getting together with some snacks and a flat surface can lead to hours of entertainment.  Unfortunately good times are not universal, as contests are often infiltrated by one of the following types of player.  We are taking a closer look at exactly who this is, and how to defeat them.  Many years ago Wizards of the Coast did us the favor of creating three distinct archetypes of Magic player, Johnny, Timmy and Spike.  The idea being that each enjoy certain cards, formats, and play styles.  And that every duelist has one or more personas within their own game.  However player types go much deeper than simply what spells are cast, and builds are piloted.  These dubious characters are in need of explanation, especially since they may be all too familiar.  Here are the five most headache-inducing, aggressively obnoxious planeswalkers in reverse countdown order, because you deserve to know your enemies:

[caption id="attachment_7815" align="alignright" width="240" caption="snakes can be dangerous, unless you spot them early"][/caption]

5. Snake in the Grass - We've all been there, late in a game, victory within our grasp and BOOM.... Furnace of Rath then Lightning Bolt followed by Fireblast duplicated by Fork into activated Spinerock Knoll into Beacon of Destruction.   That 32 damage makes mince-meat out of our winning strategy.  But how was did this happen?  We've been bitten by the Snake in the Grass.  This is a player that throws nobility out the window, in fact they drug nobility and bind it, throw it in the back of a rental car Eminem style and drive that car off a pier.  Snakes are all about the pity, and the politicking.  "Why me!?", they'll cry from the tall weeds in which they reside.  Snakes will also hide behind the Life Wall, a powerful ally in casual multi-player.  They gain access to the Life Wall when opponents stop targeting them because their life total is much lower than everyone else.  It becomes inhumane and many duelists don't want that blood on their hands.  The Snake uses the Life Wall like a real card, often allowing as much damage as possible early to draw sympathy.  Of course that sympathy is rarely reciprocated.

4. Ambitious Combo Guy – EDH multiplayer is an attempt to create a more spontaneous and casual MTG environment.  The ACG doesn’t give a damn.  There are three cards out of his deck that he cares about, and the rest are glorified packing material. ACGs easily spotted because they seem harmless (like the Snake in the Grass), but are furiously tearing through their decks and graveyards. Tutoring, transmuting and drawing until they can set-up their Thopter Foundry or Leyline of the Void combos.  Given the standard 40 life buffer and games that last at least ten turns, combos are pretty easy to pull off in EDH, but that fact won’t deflate your average ACG.  They are dead set on making this game exactly the same as the last one, a race to find one card.  The best way to deal with said combo, stop it before it gets started.  Don’t feel bad about wiping the floor with ACG, even if they have dealt zero damage.  A person only needs one life to ‘go infinite’ so take them out when you can.   If you see ACG counting up mana before his turn even starts, it may already be too late.

3. The Vulture - One of the common themes on this list is pity.  Pity is rarely a good thing in Magic, and when the time comes don't expect any for yourself.  There is a way to take that mantra too far, and the Vulture has mastered it.  The Vulture hoards enough of a defense to be intimidating, then sits and waits....and waits....  Finally, when some poor sucker has been reduced to the metaphorical stick, the Vulture strikes.  Why does he kill you?  Because he can.  Need another reason?  Too bad because you're not getting one.  In fact, the Vulture just packs those tiny complaints away into his nest, and brings them out next time he feels guilty about sniping you.  To the Vulture, the first 18 life aren't all that important,  its that last 2 that really count.  The best part?  Hearing about each loss from your executioner.  Verbal pictures of that Dauthi Slayer stealing your last two life points will be painted across each conversation.  So you'll have that going for you, which is nice.

2. Heroic Martyr - In terms of actually winning the game, the rules of Magic are pretty straight forward.  Just don't tell that to the Heroic Martyr.  Reducing opponent's life total to zero is not the biggest concern, putting on a show is.  The typical HM will empty their hand as quickly as possible, with little heed to defense.  In the process they'll inflict as much damage and destroy as many permanents as they can.  You think fighting on multiple fronts is a tactical error?  To the average HM it's a badge of honor.  After all this is Magic and they're making stuff happen!  Stuff is happening!!!  Eventually the smoke will clear and all that is left is the husk of a former player, dispatched easily.  But that is not the end of our hero's presence in the game, not by a damn sight.  That is when the HM begins to recant tales of his excellence in battle, his glorious deeds and fantastic exploits.  Do you remember when he did twelve damage to each player that one turn?  He sure does.  Its a shame we all couldn't be as brave, it looks like winning will have to suffice instead.

[caption id="attachment_7817" align="alignleft" width="190" caption="works in hockey, not in mtg"][/caption]

1. The Blue Wizard - Just kidding! Blue wizards are super cool. Seriously Reinhart, calm down and put that bat away, I was only joking.... Um, on to the real number one.

1. Peace Keeper - As the old saying goes, 'Blessed are the Peacemakers'.  Whoever said that was clearly not a Magic fan.  These are the players who just won't let things happen naturally.  When one opponent is being Overrun with the elves of another, the Peace Keeper will Fog.  The PK will counter big spells, not because it is the right decision, but because they feel sorry for the target.  To be clear, these players really think they are doing what is best for the game, too bad nobody else sees it that way.  PKs are blissfully ignorant of the fact that everyone wants to destroy them.  Instead they are focused on which pet cause to champion next.  Uncompetitive to a fault, the PK isn't hard to kill (probably because they used their last Oblivion Ring on somebody else's Black Vise).   Keep in mind, any affront to them will be accompanied by genuine surprise as if you are the one ruining the game for everyone.  Be forewarned.