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Rograkh Attack!


Look, if you don't think slaying people in Commander with 0/1's is fun, I don't know what to say to you. True, voltron is a common archetype in the format, but never before has it been this hilarious. Can you imagine a teeny tiny kobold lifting an enormous hammer, only to cartoonishly pummel your foes? *Pow!* *Pow!*

Rograkh, Son of Rohgahh
Colossus Hammer

Our legendary 0/1 wouldn't even be able to lift the hammer. No matter how he strains and curses, it wouldn't budge, no more than a villain trying to heft Thor's hammer. Clearly, Rograkh, Son of Rohgahh needs some help. You might naturally think Magnetic Theft, and that's what I experimented with in Modern, trying to equip Colossus Hammer to a creature with infect. But this is Commander. We could simply get up to eight mana and equip the honest way. Or, you know, we could find our kobold a good partner.

Ardenn, Intrepid Archaeologist

Thanks to this legendary kor, Colossus Hammer will be one be equipped consistently. You could search it up every game with a library full of tutors, and I will list those later in the article. But our focus is more on being ludicrous. Yes, Rograkh wielding a +10/+10 equipment is laughable. All you would see would be the hammer, bopping people and players off the battlefield, carried by a ferocious creature too bitty to spot in the carnage. But variety is the spice of one-hundred-card singleton, so instead of tutors we're playing a more varied armory of equipment.

Rograkh Attack | Commander | AE Marling

Even before I knew about Ardenn, Intrepid Archaeologist, I wanted to play Rograkh, Son of Rohgahh to combine him with early-drop cards like Curse of Opulence. Although our deck is designed to seem silly, that's some serious value. Early hits with Explorer's Scope or Sword of the Animist can accelerate you faster than Boros ever has before. Keep your Smothering Tithe. Imma' equip Prying Blade and come for your booty! That should bring a smile to your opponents' faces. What will wipe it off again is connecting with Latulla's Orders or Dowsing Dagger.

Latulla's Orders
Dowsing Dagger

Once you've accumulated mana, you can cast bigger equipment or bigger threats, like Akroma, Vision of Ixidor. Angels truly love the meek. Akroma will give Rograkh, Son of Rohgahh +4/+4 in counters every turn.

Our colors traditionally have trouble ramping and drawing cards. Luckily, what we have no trouble with is attacking with menacing kobolds. That'll both let us ramp and draw, thanks to Rogue's Gloves and Mask of Memory. You could also play Sword of Fire and Ice, but I restricted myself to one of the cheaper swords. Though I excluded some cards based on cost (and listed them later), I would spare no expense for Bloodforged Battle-Axe. That's the weapon for bloodthirsty kobolds.

Bloodforged Battle-Axe

We can double and redouble our axe count. Equipping them all will be no problem, thanks to Ardenn, Intrepid Archaeologist. Clearly Rograkh can hold one deadly weapon in each hand, maybe two, one between his teeth, and maybe two more strapped two his feet. Where the subsequent axes go, I'll leave you to speculate, but it would be most memorable to equip ten or more, turning our plucky kobold into a bristling armory. And what is Commander if not for creating memories?

Though Colossus Hammer can do more work than five axes, I'm still not interested in tutoring up the card every game. As Shivam and Maro discussed on the recent Casual Magic podcast, increased variance leads to more fun in games. Certainly, cEDH is a format, but if you play it because you like winning, do consider doubling your base win rate in 1v1 competitive formats.

I can imagine playing cEDH because I love specific cards that are only good in Commander. If that's true for you, I included some more for you in the list below, along with the tutors.

You may ask, how strong is Sword of Kaldra? It's listed as good/expensive. Well, it's at least moderately expensive. Ogre's Cleaver's only costs a quarter, and I find it far more amusing. How those little kobold feet will wobble as Rograkh tries to balance that blade. It would be like one of Santa's elves trying to heft a Christmas tree.

I listed the two best Swords with a capital "S," but any of them would be strong in this deck. Be aware, though, if you give your commander protection from White, you can't target him with Apostle's Blessing or other protective spells. And if you grant shroud from, say, Lightning Greaves, you also can't equip it again, as that targets, as does Ardenn, Intrepid Archaeologist. Now, if you have two creatures, you can move Lightning Greaves from one to the other and back, but that'll let an instant catch your key creature with his boots off. We do want some equipment to grant haste, so I included Crystal Slipper for the lols.

Crystal Slipper

Another reason I wanted to see our battle kobold pirouetting in glass shoes is because that single point of power is pretty important for many of our cards that trigger on combat damage. Getting our hapless kobold to deal damage will be a game unto itself. Of course, he could gain that point of power from Skullclamp, technically, but I just couldn't bear the thought of my 0/1 sitting on the battlefield with the 'clamp and Mask of Memory. "How did it come to this?"

I also need to put in a good word for my friend Bruse Tarl, Boorish Herder. Double strike has a lot of utility with our combat-damage triggers, such as Scytheclaw. The big man would also be a fine addition to the deck, though we do have other ways to grant double strike in Embercleave, Kor Blademaster, Reyav, Master Smith, and even Boros Charm.

We could play Bruse as our partner commander, or any of other number of aggressive options. I would prefer to keep those cards hidden in my deck. Ardenn is powerful but in a less direct way. As people become more accustomed to Ardenn, other partners may be seen as less threatening.

There are quite a few other delightful cards you could play in this list. What would you include, and what would you cut? Other than your opponents, that is.

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