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Advanced Jumpstart: The Izzet League


All right folks, I know how badly you wanted to hear me talk about my fantastic time playing in Eternal Weekend. It was a real joy playing Legacy again for the first time in forever jamming Elves to an incredible 7-3 finish that -

Wait, what? I'm sorry? We're not doing that this week? The Izzet are setting up a new experiment and need me to join in as part of it. Aren't they busy engineering new infrastructures and pipes for Ravnica? Oh, this is part of that but...they need a human to test the device out? Okay, fine, just so long as they don't singe my hair like the last time. I'll never forgive that lightning crazed maniac.

Wait, why am I sitting down to play cards?

...Oh, I see. It's the new Izzet Jumpstart packs and you need a guinea pig to see how they work. Well fine. I guess I'll talk about some more Ravnica Jumpstart packs.

Fine, fine. Let's see what this first one's all about.

This... hm... this pack looks a little basic, don't you think? Not to mention ancient. Where the heck did you dig up this fossil? The undercity? Where's the thrill and excitement here? The crazy spell heavy nonsense that I'm used to seeing when I think big bad Izzet. Aren't you guys supposed to be, you know, zany and slinging spells left and right? This looks more like a couple bland draft chaff creatures and a couple wimpy spells. Copy them? Okay, look, sure I can replicate spells like Pyromantics and Train of Thought but c'mon, that's boring. The copies can't even power up Wee Dragonauts.

Wee Dragonauts
Tibor and Lumia
Stitch in Time

What the heck are you feeding those tiny critters anyways? Lightning straight from the power core? Some kind of overflow of energy from the spells? At least they know how to channel it into something productive. Tibor and Lumia just make things fly and zap other things. Does anyone have the number on their supervisor? I think someone needs to have a discussion with how they handle things. It's not exactly productive to be wiping out the Selesnya's small critters time and again.

Then again at least they're consistent in their work, even if it is a bit chaotic. Tell that to the time mages, though. Have you ever seen one of them try to cast one of these damn Stitch in Time spells? It's a coin toss as to whether or not it even works! Far too erratic for my tastes, but when it works, it works I guess. And even if it doesn't you can still make it work for you with the help of some Dragonauts and even the big guy himself.

Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind

Yeah, that's right, Niv-Mizzet. Big man dragon, thinks he owns the whole city! Have you seen that vanity formula he's working on? Absolute nonsense. At least he knows how to really set things alight unlike Tibor and Lumia. Get a big Train of Thought going and you'll have enough juice to illuminate the entirety of Ravnica in a blaze of glory. Just what the big scale beast wants, right?

What? I'm just speaking the truth! Fine, knock my pay. At least you pay me actual currency unlike those weird people in the shadows I had to deal with last week. Look, just give me the next pack already and let's pretend like nothing happened. I'm doing you all a favor here anyways.

Oh yeah, that's more like it. Cyclonic Rift and Mizzium Mortars look way wilder than the wimpy nonsense in that last pack. And they play off that Guttersnipe so well too. Little guy's absolutely adorable when he's mad, don't you think? I'm not sure he's really with you Izzet flunkies, though. Like he wants to burn it all down. Sounds more like a Gruul thing. At least when you idiots blow things up it's on accident.

Cyclonic Rift
Mercurial Chemister
Ral Zarek

Yeah, that's right, I'm talking about you Nivix Guildmages copying spells ad infinitum and looting resources in order to keep the creative juices flowing. At least your guildmates, the Mercurial Chemisters, have a more nuanced approach. Drawing cards on the cheap or concentrating their energy into taking out a problematic monstrosity. Hell, even Niv-Mizzet and his Hypersonic Dragon kin are a bit less hostile this time around, even if they're still as formidable as ever.

But that Ral Zarek... that's the bastard that hit me with the lightning! Do I need to get the Azorius out here to arrest him? I'd love to file a complaint against that piece of work. Rendering MY stuff useless to power his experiments, zapping ME with lightning, and gambling with the very fabric of time and space? Look, man, you all need to reel this guy in and tell him to cool his jets - literally!

And I can already tell from what I see in this next pack that it's much more recent. From that time where he brought those bunch of weirdos to Ravnica and almost blew the city sky-high right? Well, let's have a look at that one I guess.

Still don't get why you Izzet madmen are putting me through this...

Oh look, what a surprise: more spells! I thought the Izzet were supposed to be engineers handling pipes and boilers and such. Why the heck are you out here making clones? Shouldn't this Quasiduplicate art of making clones be more like, I don't know, a Simic thing? Weird that you all are getting into that. But I suppose at the very least you got this copying spells thing running a little more smoothly with this "Jump-Start" concept.

At least that lightning nut isn't here, but I guess his influence is rubbing off on you all. That Goblin Electromancer, the Electrostatic Field - taking a page out of Guttersnipe's book - and even a Direct Current spell put into full effect. Is this supposed to be the new normal? Do I need to go start petitioning the Azorius for fresh sanctions to get you to cool your experiments?

No, I suppose that wouldn't work anyways. Niv-Mizzet, Parun of the Izzet League will find a way around it. He always manages to do that, doesn't he? Smug beast. He got what he deserved if you ask me! At least he's a bit more reasonable these days now that he's the freakin' Guildpact and all, but you all had to go and save his essence from back then didn't you? All those mad experimentations, and for what, a Crackling Drake or two? More tests on Wee Dragonauts?

Whatever the case, let me tell you what I think:

I think you all are insane. I could go get a better deal trying out the stuff from that Orzhov cathedral up the road - and that's with their unheard of interest rates. Have you seen those things by the way? Absolutely outrageous.

Look, okay, I've got an idea. Why not take pieces from all three of these experiments and make something entirely fresh and new out of them. Something like this:

Yeah, see, now we're cooking. That Guttersnipe and Electrostatic Field are going to set the world ablaze - and they've even got a new friend in Gelectrode to help them along the way! Clone them up with those Quasiduplicates and we've got a stew going.

The lightning freakazoid is back, but hey, at least he's fighting for Ravnica as a whole this time around. And he's doing a lot of the same thing as those weird beasties too! It's almost as if - gasp - you were able to make your spells matter and do something. What a concept, huh? You might even be able to make it work well with whatever you combine this pack with since there's bound to be some spells in the other one.

But look, man, I'm out. This has been fun and all, but I really need to get going. I've gotta go tell the world about the impending elvish domination in the Legacy realm. Ever seen an elf side by side with a dinosaur? Let me tell you, it's really some-

What do you mean I need to test the Rakdos stuff next week?! Do I look like a damned clown to you?!

Kendra Smith

Twitter: @TheMaverickGal

Twitch: twitch.tv/themaverickgirl

YouTube: Kendra Smith

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