As a born-and-raised Bostonian, I simply couldn't resist. My hope is that you will now forever envision this trio speaking in a Boston accent.

Today's commander offers a new angle for graveyard-centric decks. The general idea of such builds is to stuff as many resources into the 'yard as possible, then bring 'em all back in bursts for value. A simple Rise of the Dark Realms might do the win-con trick. Or perhaps you'd prefer to get fancy and keep a cold Craterhoof Behemoth in storage until the opportune moment for resurrection. Healthy graveyards naturally lead one down a path of recursion, but in the case of The Beamtown Bullies, said necromancy is directed at your opponent. A not-so-freshly revived zombie beastie can be gifted straight from the dirt and into your foe's hands. Sounds generous, until you realize that these are the last creatures folks want to have visit their side of the table.

The Beamtown Bullies like to think of themselves as philanthropists. With all the rampant violence on New Capenna's streets, isn't a little charity in order? Don't let the devilish laughter or surliness convince you that malevolence is afoot. Heck, as a show of good faith, help yourself to a free 9/8 Flyer (Eater of Days)! Don't worry about that tiny little drawback. You won't even know it's there.

By now, you've probably grown wise to the bullies' game. Their unique take on generosity is one that'll often find the recipient six feet under. Today's strategy employs all the classic tools designed to stock the graveyard. Only then The Beamtown Bullies step in and provide their own form of twisted benevolence to nail enemy coffins shut. With the right creature 6-feet-under, it can be shockingly easy for our Commander to axe an opponent in a single turn. In that regard, this deck functions as a combo-engine, assembling various puzzle pieces into a lethal machine.

Eater of Days by Mark Tedin

Or, if we're feeling especially mean...

Oddly, though New Capenna is stuffed full of Legendary cards, the Riveteers and their various construction-based contracts have received little in the way of proper lore. Entire short stories have been written around Perrie, the Pulverizer and his buddies, but not so much for our working-class Jund tribe. Whether this has to do with maintaining an air of mystery for these hooligans, or that WotC's creative team simply ran out of time to craft sufficient lore for said characters, the Riveteers stand as the least lore-imbued of New Capenna's crime families. What we know can largely be gleaned from the card, itself: The Beamtown Bullies are comprised of an orc-devil partnership, one that can clearly get big jobs done, but not without some collateral damage along the way. Fortunately, said wrecking ball is aimed squarely at our opponents. With each turn cycle, we find a new, more insidious way with which to dispatch of an adversary.

Let's explore further by breaking down our Commander:

1. The Beamtown Bullies can only pull off their signature trick during an opponent's turn. Normally, that would mean these blokes would have to survive a full circle around the table before getting to the necromancy. Seeing as their impact is far from subtle, I doubt most opponents would allow them to live that long. Haste makes all the difference, allowing the Bullies to gift an enemy a lethal creature the moment you pass the turn. This is actually a form of protection, allowing the Bullies to avoid Sorcery-based and mass-removal, at least before they get to punish someone with a Worldgorger Dragon.

2. Speaking of the graveyard-happy dragon, he and similarly nasty beasts will be doing most of the dirty work. The Beamtown Bullies open the door, but it's the Enters-the-Battlefield abilities of cards like Leveler and Inverter of Truth that deliver the fatal blow. The number of straight-up "I win" creatures is limited, but plenty of other drawback-laden troops can been used to our advantage. Boldwyr Heavyweights lets us grab the most powerful creature in our deck. Dragon Mage grants us both card draw and graveyard fuel. Or we could use The Beamtown Bullies to replicate powerful spells via the likes of Sire of Insanity or Bane of Progress.

3. The Bullies can only operate with enough graveyard support. In true Reanimator-fashion, we'll craft our deck with multiple ways to stuff the crypt. Tutor-effects like Entomb, Buried Alive, and Corpse Connoisseur are the most powerful option, grabbing the aforementioned 'combo-kill' creatures in a single commander activation. We also pack a large degree of card-selection like Winding Way, Gather the Pack, and Grisly Salvage to keep our hand stocked while dumping more cards. If a creature like Leveler, something we never want to cast ourselves, happens to wind up in our hand, discard outlets like Faithless Looting, Silverglade Pathfinder, and Hammer Mage let us promptly store them six feet under.

4. Don't forget, politics matter a great deal in Commander. Temporary alliances are formed and broken nearly every game. As such, while our primary goal is to kill opponents with resurrected creatures, remember that The Beamtown Bullies can also be an asset to a struggling opponent. Gifting someone a Sakura-Tribe Elder or Avenging Druid can really help them get back in the game, earning you diplomacy points on the side. Is the table in dire need of a sweeper, but everyone's already cast theirs? Hand someone an Anarchist to pull that vital Vanquish the Horde back to their hand. The Bullies may be rough around the edges, but they're not outright monsters...all the time. Only some of the time. Okay, okay, most of the time. Just don't overlook their political nuance.

5. In the course of assembling Plan A, our graveyard's bound to fill up fast. This makes cards like Splinterfright and Syr Konrad, the Grim into potential win-conditions in their own right. An important detail, as The Beamtown Bullies can only 'combo-kill' one opponent at a time. Once you drop a Leveler into someone's lap, you may find yourself needing to finish off another foe via Graveyard-based synergies like Old Stickfingers, Agadeem's Awakening // Agadeem, the Undercrypt, Journey to Eternity // Atzal, Cave of Eternity, and the aforementioned Splinterfright and Syr Konrad, the Grim.

In review, remember that The Beamtown Bullies functions as a combo-deck, looking for two-to-three specific cards to win. Much of the deck is designed to find said cards. And to keep you alive long enough to do so. Chip in for damage when and where you can, but make your first priority getting lethal-creatures into the graveyard so our Bullies can swiftly whack an opposing player.

Time to get down to some shady business dealings. They may not be pretty, but true to the Riveteers code, will be crafted with the highest quality. Our unwitting patrons believe themselves to be getting a ferocious beast, freshly returned from the dead. And they would be correct. Whether said monstrosity proceeds to devour their new master upon introductions is none of our concern. We upheld our end of the deal, after all.

Riveteers Charm by Steve Argyle

Batter Up in Beamtown | Commander | Matthew Lotti

• Commander (1)
• 1 The Beamtown Bullies

• Creatures (28)
• 1 Anarchist
• 1 Avenging Druid
• 1 Bane of Progress
• 1 Boldwyr Heavyweights
• 1 Corpse Connoisseur
• 1 Dragon Mage
• 1 Eater of Days
• 1 Gravebreaker Lamia
• 1 Hammer Mage
• 1 Hellcarver Demon
• 1 Hermit Druid
• 1 Inverter of Truth
• 1 Leveler
• 1 Nyx Weaver
• 1 Old Stickfingers
• 1 Oriq Loremage
• 1 Revolutionist
• 1 Sakura-Tribe Elder
• 1 Satyr Wayfinder
• 1 Silverglade Pathfinder
• 1 Sire of Insanity
• 1 Soulgorger Orgg
• 1 Splinterfright
• 1 Syr Konrad, the Grim
• 1 Tempting Wurm
• 1 Underrealm Lich
• 1 Vile Entomber
• 1 Worldgorger Dragon

• Instants (12)
• 1 Assassin's Trophy
• 1 Big Score
• 1 Deadly Rollick
• 1 Electric Revelation
• 1 Entomb
• 1 Grapple with the Past
• 1 Grisly Salvage
• 1 Hagra Mauling // Hagra Broodpit
• 1 Heroic Intervention
• 1 Rakdos Charm
• 1 Riveteers Charm
• 1 Unexpected Windfall

• Sorceries (19)
• 1 Agadeem's Awakening // Agadeem, the Undercrypt
• 1 Bala Ged Recovery // Bala Ged Sanctuary
• 1 Buried Alive
• 1 Cultivate
• 1 Faithless Looting
• 1 Farseek
• 1 Final Parting
• 1 Gather the Pack
• 1 Jarad's Orders
• 1 Kodama's Reach
• 1 Life from the Loam
• 1 Mulch
• 1 Rampant Growth
• 1 Shatterskull Smashing // Shatterskull, the Hammer Pass
• 1 Three Visits
• 1 Toxic Deluge
• 1 Turntimber Symbiosis // Turntimber, Serpentine Wood
• 1 Unmarked Grave
• 1 Winding Way

• Enchantments (2)
• 1 Journey to Eternity
• 1 Pernicious Deed

• Artifacts (5)
• 1 Golgari Signet
• 1 Gruul Signet
• 1 Magewright's Stone
• 1 Rakdos Signet
• 1 Thousand-Year Elixir

• Lands (33)
• 2 Mountain
• 4 Swamp
• 5 Forest
• 1 Blood Crypt
• 1 Bloodstained Mire
• 1 Boseiju, Who Endures
• 1 Command Tower
• 1 Cragcrown Pathway // Timbercrown Pathway
• 1 Dakmor Salvage
• 1 Darkbore Pathway // Slitherbore Pathway
• 1 Fire-Lit Thicket
• 1 Graven Cairns
• 1 Leechridden Swamp
• 1 Luxury Suite
• 1 Overgrown Tomb
• 1 Spire Garden
• 1 Stomping Ground
• 1 Takenuma, Abandoned Mire
• 1 Twilight Mire
• 1 Undergrowth Stadium
• 1 Verdant Catacombs
• 1 Wooded Foothills
• 1 Ziatora's Proving Ground
• 1 Volrath's Stronghold
• 1 Skull Prophet

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Starting off, we'll want to develop our mana base, but dump as many cards into the graveyard as possible while doing so. The usual ramp is present (Three Visits, Rakdos Signet, etc.), but further land-digging spells such as Mulch, Winding Way, and Grapple with the Past ensure we hit all our land drops while shipping other cards to the crypt. With our Commander starting at 5-mana, building an appropriate mana base is essential. The Beamtown Bullies are not subtle when it comes to their ill-intent. If an opponent sees an early Eater of Days enter your graveyard, they'll immediately start looking for Instant-speed removal to eliminate your commander before you've the chance to pass the turn and spark shenanigans. Heck, even if you're successfully able to kill a player with The Beamtown Bullies, don't be surprised if another opponent immediately proceeds to aim a removal spell at it. They may be happy you helped them kill an adversary, but now that the deed is done, want your general off the table. Early on, continue to ramp as much as you can whilst stocking the graveyard.

A Rabble of Ruffians: These blue-collar bruisers don't have time to screw around, so let's get right down to business. You wanna talk lethal care-packages? The Beamtown Bullies have you covered with an assortment of diabolical Christmas presents. At the top of this heap is Leveler, destroyer of libraries. When it comes to Leveler, just remember to activate your Bullies during your opponent's upkeep, so the subsequent draw phase delivers the killing blow. Not far behind are Inverter of Truth and Eater of Days, which may not immediately kill an opponent, but put them in a devastating position. Hellcarver Demon needs to connect before it can nuke the enemy board, so the Goad rider really makes all the difference. Our final win-con creatures ask for support, with Soulgorger Orgg requiring the help of a Rakdos Charm or Leechridden Swamp to seal the deal, and Worldgorger Dragon needing an accompanying removal spell while his ETB trigger is on the stack. If we're able to kill the dragon before it's ETB ability resolves, it'll activate and resolve the second ability first, meaning all of that opponent's permanents will be exiled forever. Very nasty stuff.

Outside of creatures that outright defeat opponents, we also include utility creatures to make a big impact and bash for damage while they're at it. Bane of Progress is likely to be gigantic for its one swing, and handily clears the table of Artifacts and Enchantments upon arrival. Sire of Insanity wipes away everybody's hands, and with them, any opposing answers to your game plan. This dapper demon even has the courtesy to help you fill your own graveyard while he's at it. Dragon Mage, Tempting Wurm, and Boldwyr Heavyweights are risky (but fun!), and certainly carry a hefty political weight. Letting everyone but one sorrowful opponent dump their hand into play or tutor up their best creature is bound to make for some exciting games. Just remember to hang onto spot removal in case you wind up in the crosshairs.

None of the above craziness can happen without a healthy graveyard, so we bring in Splinterfright, Old Stickfingers, Avenging Druid, Hermit Druid, Underrealm Lich, Satyr Wayfinder, Skull Prophet, Nyx Weaver, and Syr Konrad, the Grim for some self-mill with bonuses attached. Even better are creatures that act as graveyard tutors. Corpse Connoisseur, Gravebreaker Lamia, and Oriq Loremage all grab exactly the insta-kill creatures we're looking. If said creatures accidentally wind up in our hand, we also include Spellshapers Hammer Mage and Silverglade Pathfinder to recycle them away. Lastly, with all this self-mill going on, we're bound to have useful Instants and Sorceries end up in the graveyard, so Anarchist and Revolutionist are brought in to ensure they're not lost for good.

Get the Shovel: Like with most combos, tutors reign supreme. Buried Alive, Entomb, Final Parting, Jarad's Orders and Unmarked Grave seek out the heavy hitters for The Beamtown Bullies to knock out of the park. Plenty of self-mill dwells among our Instants and Sorceries, too. Winding Way, Gather the Pack, Grisly Salvage, Mulch, Life from the Loam, and Grapple with the Past all help us draw into important lands and/or creatures while topping off the tomb. We also pack additional discard outlets like Unexpected Windfall, Big Score, Electric Revelation, and Faithless Looting in case we draw an Eater of Days or his ilk.

Once the The Beamtown Bullies have a healthy supply of creatures to work with, you can bet any surviving opponents will be quickly gunning for us. As such, tools like Thousand-Year Elixir and Magewright's Stone are included to provide multiple activations, provided we've enough targets to recur. Journey to Eternity // Atzal, Cave of Eternity synergizes well with both our high creature count and reliance on mill/discarding. Early on, it can be added to a smaller creature for blocking, or simply a Sakura-Tribe Elder for an immediate flip. Once transformed, it can start bringing back any desirable creatures we've milled or discarded. Resurrecting a fallen Syr Konrad, the Grim can quickly stack up loads of damage as we continue to mill cards throughout the game. Or a returned Dragon Mage might be just the thing needed to refill graveyard and hand, alike.

Supporting Spells: It wouldn't be Jund without copious removal, and The Beamtown Bullies are no exception. Not only does Instant-speed removal nix threats, but in the case of Worldgorger Dragon, enables a win conditions. Deadly Rollick, Riveteers Charm, Assassin's Trophy, Hagra Mauling // Hagra Broodpit, and even a well-timed sweeper like Pernicious Deed can all keep you safe early on and potentially make an opponent dead later. Similarly, Rakdos Charm provides excellent Artifact removal, graveyard hate, and another win-con when paired with Soulgorger Orgg.

With so many creatures and spells digging for lands, mana supply shouldn't be a problem, so we can take full advantage of modal spells like Shatterskull Smashing // Shatterskull, the Hammer Pass, Turntimber Symbiosis // Turntimber, Serpentine Wood, Bala Ged Recovery // Bala Ged Sanctuary, and Agadeem's Awakening // Agadeem, the Undercrypt. The latter spells function especially well alongside our graveyard-theme. Finally, classics Toxic Deluge and Heroic Intervention are included for additional defensive measures in the event of scary enemy boards or 'wrath effects.

Mana Support and Rocks: Green provides classic ramp in the form of Three Visits, Farseek, Rampant Growth, Cultivate, Kodama's Reach, and Sakura-Tribe Elder. All are key in advancing our mana base and supplying Jund colors. The three associated signets (Rakdos Signet, Gruul Signet, Golgari Signet) are also brought in to assist with color fixing. Pretty standard issue stuff so far, but The Beamtown Bullies offer even further tools to support our mana development. With so many of self-mill spells filling our hand with lands as they fill the graveyard with creatures (Ex. Mulch), we're unlikely to miss ever-important land drops as our game develops. A full quarter of the deck has a converted mana value of 2 or less, so even the rare land-light situation shouldn't be a deal breaker.

In the real-estate department, claimed territories cover the usual Jund Stomping Ground. On-color fetches (Bloodstained Mire, etc.), shock lands (Blood Crypt, etc.), filter lands (Twilight Mire, etc.), and Commander lands (Spire Garden, etc.) are your typical inclusions. We've also access to a nice assortment of utility lands to support our graveyard theme (Takenuma, Abandoned Mire, Volrath's Stronghold, Dakmor Salvage), and even provide another dash of removal (Boseiju, Who Endures).

Sire of Insanity by Peter Mohrbacher

Aren't debt collectors just the worst?

Budget Options: The Beamtown Bullies can go around cracking skulls to their hearts' content, but at the end of the day, the old adage holds true: Crime doesn't pay. Intimidating as this trio may be, they still need the capital to keep those cemeteries full. Graveyard caretakers ain't cheap, especially when you also gotta pay for their silence so they don't go around asking any pesky questions. Bad for business. Magic might not be so illicit, but it can still be expensive. Here are some substitutes for players who'd rather not break the bank on cardboard. All cards over $20 will be noted and recommended for swap-outs. If anything seems interesting, regardless of price tag, give them a roll in the main! Creativity is an oft-forgotten cornerstone of Commander. One of the aspects that makes it special. Mix and match card choices to your heart's content!

Creatures: N/A

Starting off on a positive note, you'll find that none of our creatures break budget. The closest is Worldgorger Dragon at around $17.00. If that's still too pricy, consider other ways to stock up the graveyard like Stinkweed Imp, Golgari Thug, Old Rutstein, Golgari Grave-Troll, and Stitcher's Supplier. Recursive creatures like Eternal Witness and Skullwinder will also have plenty of options when it comes to bringing things back from the graveyard.

Supporting Spells: Entomb: $36.00, Deadly Rollick: $35.00, Toxic Deluge: $20.00

We do lose a few strong tools to the budget-gods, but nothing that can't be replaced with a bit of digging. Tutors like Dark Petition and Mausoleum Secrets are at their best with a full graveyard. They may not add cards directly to the crypt, they'll help you find the ones do, such as Buried Alive. The spot-removal void can either be filling with cheap, efficient spells like Vendetta, Terminate, and Abrupt Decay, or more flexible options like Bedevil, Chaos Warp, and Beast Within. The mass removal we lose in Toxic Deluge can be substituted for the likes of Lavalanche, Life's Finale, Gaze of Granite, or Void.

Mana Options: Volrath's Stronghold: $110 (!), Bloodstained Mire & Wooded Foothills: $38.00, Boseiju, Who Endures: $26.00, Luxury Suite: $25.00, Blood Crypt: $21.00, Verdant Catacombs: $20.00

As usual, it's the lands that make the biggest dent. We have the Reserved List to thank for the insane price tag on Volrath's Stronghold. Fortunately, the upcoming release of "Commander Legends: The Battle for Baldur's Gate" is bound to reduce the price of Luxury Suite, along with all the other allied Battlebond-lands. When it comes to substituting out our fetch and shock lands, start with tri-color options like Savage Lands and Darigaaz's Caldera. Other solid choices include Jund Panorama, cycling lands Sheltered Thicket and Canyon Slough, the checkland cycle (Dragonskull Summit, Rootbound Crag, Woodland Cemetery), and the pain land cycle (Sulfurous Springs, Karplusan Forest, Llanowar Wastes).

Corpse Connoisseur by Mark Hyzer

Now where did I put my good kidney again...?

I hope you've enjoyed today's exploration of cardboard-based larceny, intimidation, and other assorted Riveteer fun and games. The Beamtown Bullies can be a nasty bunch, but luckily for you, all that malice will get taken out on your opponents. All you need to do is supply your Commander with a steady supply of colossal corpses to hurl back at your foe. The resounding thud is sure to be heard all across New Capenna. And it won't take a genius to figure out who made the home run.

Batter up.

Thanks for reading, and may you always be generous with your gift-giving.

-Matt-

@Intrepid_Tautog