Maybe I should’ve gotten a butterfly instead . . .

Are Magic tats an awesome way for Vorthos to demonstrate his appreciation of the game, or just a really lame, bad idea? As is the case with many of the greatest questions in life, the answer can be found on a box of adult diapers: Depends.

Disclosure: This article may contain partial nudity of dudes.

Circa the 1990s

Tattoos, for me, have been a regularly recurring thing, cropping up every now and then to add texture or punctuation to the paragraphs of my existence. I drew a few tats for friends in high school (the And One baller doing a one-handed dunk, also a copy of the kingly lion’s head that Big Boi of Outkast has), and I got a couple myself in college. Then I got a couple covered up after college. Tats related to specific romantic interests are a bad idea. Unless you’re Johnny Depp, then you just change “Winona” to “Wino” and become even cooler.

Reality bites.

Too bad we can’t all be as infallible as Captain Jack. Think before you ink!

Back in the late ’90s, it wasn’t common to see a girl with a tat around Portland, especially if the tattoo was bigger than a daisy chain around the ankle or something. Nowadays, however, Portland is a teeming, seething soup of completely sleeved-up ladies. Plus, they have all kinds of wacky shite—kitchen whisks, a “seafood” theme, artichokes—yes, lots of artichokes. The audacious-at-the-time tats of ladies like Left Eye and Eve were my influence, but by 2011 standards, my fox-and-flowers on my upper arm might as well be a tiny mole.

What about a Magic tat? I still like to go for “different,” and Magic isn’t so mainstream yet that I have to fear that every girl at the bar will have Urza’s head, surrounded by Japanese cherry blossoms, peeking out from her bustier. And, I’m at a stage in life where I want happy, warm, and bubbly. Magic makes me think of community, and imagination, creativity and drive, fun and laughs—it’s my kitchen whisk. Plus, there’s that amazing art! What better fodder for ink ideas could you ask for? Turns out a lot of MtGers have had the same idea. Here are a few images:

While the mana-symbol idea is really pleasing graphically, I think that has the potential to go the way of the infamous Tribal Tat—you know, what started off as a nod to islander heritage and quickly became the bro-sigil of frat boys everywhere? Not to mention Mike Tyson’s ill-advised take on the trend.

Yo bro! What’s up bro? Hey, bro! Check it out bro, I still had this Fireblast!

Please sir, don’t eat my face.

Grinder and Gathering Magic writer Sonja (@orimschant) says she’d like to get a color pie with a Triforce incorporated into the design. I like the cross-pollination with Zelda of that concept, but I feel like it’s a better tat for an active player, like Sonja, than a sideliner/artist type like me. Well-known card alterer and SCG columnist Jeremy Froggatt mentions he’d be likely to get “some dope-ass dragon, or Argyle's Ponder.” That sounds more up my alley. The community’s resident hip-hop mogul Bill Boulden, also known as Tha Gatherin, also says he’s planning to get MtG ink, though he didn’t divulge what he had in mind.

Carl Wilt, better known as @BlastodermMan on Twitter, took it a step further. He and his entire crew got coordinating Magic tattoos.

MJ: So, how’d this idea for a coordinated, personalized “crew tattoo” come up?

Carl: The crew planned a trip out to GP: Columbus in 2010. Someone suggested that we all get tats together as a bonding thing. Being nerds, we kinda knew we were going to go down the “geek” path, but no one wanted anything too nerdy (actually, being the grandpa—literally—of the group, I didn’t care how nerdy it was). “Matching tats” was a little too cliché.

MJ: What’s the meaning behind the art?

I thought we should all get something Magic-related, since that’s what joined our group together to begin with. From there sprung the idea to get the color wheel. But, rather than getting the entire drawing, each of us would pick out “our” colors, and just get those pieces of the tattoo. So, we got around the matching-bro-douche-bag thing, but were still able to tie everyone together with a common starting point. It also worked out that every color in the color wheel was represented between the four of us.

The toughest part was coming up with something iconic for each color. Red being fire and Blue being water/waves were pretty easy. Even the Black demon came fairly quickly. White and Green were both tougher. I eventually suggested a wing, since White is known for Angels and Birds. I figured a wing was iconic enough.

Green had us stumped. I nixed an elven ear. With the symbol being a forest, drawing another tree wouldn’t work. In the end, Jeff and I discussed something like a clawed hand, possibly wrapped in a vine, to try to capture the “Beast” and wild-animal part of Green.

MJ: Who was your designer/tattoo artist?

Carl: My brother-in-law, Jeff Stumpp, owner of Device Tattoo in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I explained what I was thinking of, and he was able to pull it all together and come up with the art.

MJ: Any advice for MtGers thinking about getting a thematic tat?

Carl: Get a good artist. Tats are with you for life, and the last thing anyone wants is a really crappy tat to forever be emblazoned on their body. Tattoos are not cheap, and, not surprisingly, a lot of times you get what you pay for. Also, put some thought into what you want. Maybe Juzam Djinn waving his junk at a Serra Angel is cool and funny at first, but the humor quickly dissipates, and you’re stuck with a genie’s ding-dong drawn on your body forever. Try explaining that one to your daughters.

Daddy, why does the big green man have three arms, and why is he pointing at the pretty lady like that?

As Carl alluded to, I want to stress the importance of finding an artist with whom you have a rapport and can speak honestly. Meet the artist for coffee just to chat, talk about his or her portfolio, and get a feel for your comfort level with him or her. Some artists do their own drawings, but you can also have artist friends or artists looking for portfolio work on Craigslist render you designs (with luck, for cheap/free).

Placement is essential to your long-term satisfaction with your tat. Don’t underestimate the effects of time on your body. If you’re already “aged” (like a fine wine, my friend), you probably know to take a good look in the mirror first. If you’re young, take a good look at your parents. You’ll figure out quickly where your trouble spots will manifest. A sexy Hero of Bladehold on a toned, tan, nubile thigh? Niiice. A slouching, osteoporotic Hero of Bladehold on a varicose-vein ridden saddlebag? Er . . .

One important question for your tattoo artist: How religiously does he or she follow the original artwork design? A talented tattoo artist drew a ridiculously awesome phoenix for my arm. It was beyond perfect. Then he started the needlework, and at about the moment I noticed the phoenix’s face was becoming a lot different than the picture, he says, “I kind of just use the drawing as a guideline.” Say what, dude?! In the end, I got a lovely tat that still gets me a ton of compliments, but the phoenix has the face of an angry chicken.

An MtG tattoo will be lame if you don’t put much thought into the image and you have flimsy motivations. If you’re looking for a quick fix so you can be more nerdcore or a bigger Magic hipster than your friends, or are trying to buoy yourself out of a geeky mid-life crisis . . . just drop the idea. I’d say it’s headed toward a big Glamour DON’T.

I’m still up in the air on whether I’ll go through with getting one of my own. But I can definitely say that if you’re passionate about MtG, and there’s an image that stands out to you as meaningful and timeless, do it. It’s a great expression of appreciation of this game we all love, and Vorthos would be proud. Especially if you also ink the flavor text.

I’ll keep y’all posted if there are any further developments in my personal tattoo journey. In the meantime, I want to hear about yours! If you’re (seriously) planning to get an MtG tattoo soon, give me a holler if you’d be up for an interview and wouldn’t mind having the process chronicled in a future Gathering Magic article.

Thanks for reading. I just want to say I appreciate each and every person who drops by the column every week. It’s been amazing, and I feel incredibly lucky.

This might hurt less if you don’t fight so hard. But I doubt it.

— MJ “Angry Chicken” Scott

@moxymtg on Twitter

www dot moxymtg dot com