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Dead Men Tell No Tales


Ahoy, Avast ye me hearties! Today we will be spoiling a buccaneer! You’ll want to plunder yerself a fancy calculator for this pirate spoiler because us pirates ain’t no good with fancy numbers. Yo Ho Ho! Are you ready landlubber? Get ready to feast your eyes on this scourge of the seven seas!

You’d walk the plank rather than going toe to toe with this old seadog if you know what’s good for ye. Got that fancy thingamajigger yet? You’ll need it for when you play this old salt wizard.

Dire Fleet Ravager is both brutal and cunning in combat. Whence he enters the battlefield yer life points will drop to a third of what they once were. You’ll be a fleeting image of yerself!

If yer opponent is at a healthy 20 of life they’ll then drop to 13. Too bad we lost Triskaidekaphobia since this scoundrel curves perfectly with it. Regardless he’s sure to give your opponent a flogging once he enters the battlefield.

Attack with this pirate and yer sure to send your opponent or two of his scallywag creatures to Davy Jones’ Locker. If Dire Fleet Ravager is cleaved to the brisket by your bilge-sucking opponent then you can get that wench, Liliana, Death's Majesty to bring him right back from the dead and get your opponent even closer to sleeping with the fishes!

Arrrrrggggghhhhh!!! Let’s get all hands-on deck to find this pirate a home, what say ye?

No Vampire, Merefolk, or even those overgrown dogs with feathers will stand in the way of ye! Cut all your opponent’s down with this deck and they will hang the jib. A lad or lassie we shall spare but all others will become shark bait!

Grab your cutlass to slay and cut down all your opponent’s creatures before resolving a gorgeous lass like Chandra, Torch of Defiance or Liliana, Death's Majesty to close the game out. Seas forbid they live long enough for you to cast your ultimate trump card in The Scorpion God to slowly eat away at them all while drawing yer cards. There is no Hell like a lassie’s scorn and that’s just what Vraska will show them with her contempt. You’ll be able to get rid of any creature, God, or planeswalker forever just in time to receive a kiss from Vraska herself that will make your life that much better, two life to be exact!

Stabilize yer ship early with Gifted Aetherborn, Thaumatic Compass, and the vast removal you have access to. Later turn that compass into a Spires of Orazca that will keep any creature at bay, even a dinosaur all while giving you access to more mana.

Even the most controlling opponent we can make walk the plank thanks to our scurvy dog, Dire Fleet Ravager. We’ll shave a healthy 1/3 of their life total and then they’ll have to trade two Torrential Gearhulks if they want stop Dire Fleet Ravager from pirating any more of their precious life total.

Nobody in the seven seas will be able to stop ye with this deck. Sleeve it up and never strike colors. All yer foes shall walk the plank!

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